I haven't written anything on here in a LONG LONG LONG LONG time, so I am just going to copy and paste from a blog that I wrote a few days ago.

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome back to a Peek Into My Mind !

Yes, when you're awake at 5:45 in the morning with absolutely no reason to be awake, you tend to be a bit silly. Anyway, something that has been on my mind lately is reminscince and failure to move forward.

We were reading a poem in class yesterday called "Cross Ties" and it really got me thinking. Is life really a jouney to behold? Is it like a desolate railroad, rusted and endless as time, looming forboding doom? As a culture, we tend to muck about in our mistakes and regrets that we have in the past, though we are always advocating to take a step forward. As we attempt to move forward with our eyes cast behind us, we tend to influence our future with the same mistakes we make in the past. Not because we don't necessarily learn from them, but because we think that some small minor tweaks in our thought process will have some different outcome on the decisions we make, which is not completly true.

Now, in the midst of writing that nice paragraph, I even thought back to when I reminisce and think back about my own past, the regrets I have, and the decisions I could have made. Shoulda/coulda/woulda's bother me invariably which is why I tend to live in the present and for the future instead of dawdling about in the past. See, when you think this way, I believe that there is a happier aspect to living life (well, depending whether you're a pessimist or an optimist.). As an oppurtunist*, when a door is opened in my direction, I'm a person to dive right in. People that have known me for all four years of high school know that I had a transformation of personality. In 9th and 10th grade, I was a person that was extremely critical of life that never ceased in analyzing the choices I had made and the possibly consequences from them. In 11th grade I became increasingly cynical and pissed off about life and other people. When my mom passed in July before my senior year, I realized that I have new priorities and goals that I should fulfill. There is nothing that effects you more than the present, and if you become too bogged down on what you could have done, you lose sight of what you should do.

I was "transformed", if you will. Now, I'm this fun-loving senior who has never seen so much happiness in her whole entire life before because I am no longer afraid of how my past decisions may have affected my future.

Don't let life throw something big and life-changing before you start making decisions that you need to reach your goals. Complaining about what should happen is never as effective as acting so something /does/ happen.

That concludes my rant for today. =]